Coffee Talk #221: 14 Ways to Love

Ok, this is a Valentine’s Day post. Husband and I put together a list of 14 ways we like to love/show love to each other, and they kind of turned into pieces of advice! We’ve been together 8 years, married for 6.

1. Travel together often. I highly recommend traveling together before making a permanent decision like marriage. I fell in LOVE with my husband on our first trip together. Traveling gets people outside their comfort zone and the REAL things start to emerge.

2. Never watch an episode of your shows without the other person. THIS IS PARAMOUNT.

3. Surprise them with little presents. Nothing major. I literally bought orange juice once for my husband on an random errands trip because he was talking about it and he was so happy. Because it meant I listened and found an opportunity to show him I care. That’s meaningful.

4. Make sure they are your go-to person, that you tell them things FIRST – good news, bad news, feelings, struggles, goals – I get excited to call or text my husband things, even if we’re working in our home offices. It’s like, the spirit of the moment and I NEED to tell him.

5. Have separate bank accounts. Trust me on this one. We have YOURS, MINE, OURS, OURS, OURS (haha we like accounts). It’s important to have joint expenses and goals but also extremely important to have your own money to manage.

6. Related, have separate activities. In order for #4 to be effective, you really shouldn’t do every single thing together. Separate activities give you stories. I literally know NONE of my husband’s colleagues but damn if I get upset when “Patricia” is back on her bullshit in the office. ALL. OVER. IT. It’s fun to share and compare.

7. Don’t take things so seriously. The most fun moments (that I think about often) usually involve something silly like the time we kept hiding from the dog in different rooms and she couldn’t figure it out. It was so ridiculous but playful. We’re on fire when we’re playful.

8. Be real when you need ‘me’ time. One of the best parts of our relationship is the ability to say “hey…I need a me day” and the other person literally will leave you alone. On my days, I need to go get my nails done and aimlessly walk the aisles of Target. Or, maybe take a yoga class. And it’s ok! We each need some self-discovery time and I’ve never been upset to have them or to give them.

9. Don’t force obligations. I’m not into forced fun or obligations. But we have a pact. We allow each other to skip “obligatory” functions IF it’s really necessary. Usually, it’s me, my husband is a saint and would go to any function I asked him to attend. If the other person REALLY wants you there, you have to go. But only because we’ve made a pact to lean in when needed.

10. Be good TO each other. My husband is the one person I don’t want to let down. I would honestly do anything for him, and I know he would do anything for me. We purposely don’t say anything rude or mean or degrading about each other, because that’s MY PERSON. Be nice to each other, even around friends and family. Don’t put each other down.

10. Do menial things together, like grocery shopping. Grocery shopping literally becomes an adventurous date night for us. He loves to cook, I love markets and trying new things, and we will go to 2-4 stores in one evening to get all kinds of things for the week. Now, itt feels weird to go alone.

11. Drive around and look at the lights. Even though we travel the world and have been to the craziest places, my favorite trips are the times we get decaf coffee from Dunkin and drive around the neighborhoods near us to look at the Christmas lights. It’s so simple and free and fun. And something to do more often.

12. Kiss every single day. Every day. Always kiss. Kissing is the best. Don’t lose it.

13. Dinner together every day. Or, as much as humanly possible. There have been days that my poor husband is waiting hours for me to get home from a fitness class, because I’ll get caught up chatting with a client after class. We wait for each other to eat. It’s simple but sweet.

14. Have separate interests, but a common goal. Our goal is to visit all of the National Parks. It’s something fun that we get excited about separately and together.

What’s your love language? How do you like to show and receive love?